Silly Songs About Swing Dancing

by Johnny Setlist

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about

Johnny Setlist's new album, "Silly Songs About Swing Dancing", is fairly self-explanatory. But just in case it's not entirely obvious to everyone, or because one person wants a brief history of it's creation, here's what happened: A few years back Johnny Setlist stumbled upon a crowd of people swing dancing. He was fascinated, and at one point even got asked if he wanted to dance with someone. Rest assured, it was a woeful experience for all those involved (including those watching), but from that moment, Johnny Setlist decided he shall learn this dance and see what this "fun" thing that so many people seemed to be having was.

That experience is detailed to some extent on the opening track "I Wanna Learn To Dance," which Johnny Setlist wrote a few months after he began his dancing journey, so as to provide some entertainment to a crowd of dancers at an annual cabaret. It began an unfortunate trend where Johnny Setlist would go to events with magical names like "Viking Swing", "Swing Revolution," or "Swinging at the Seance" and, with no coaxing or request to do so, write a song based around the titular event. He would then perform it to an unsuspecting crowd (with plenty of mistakes and ad-libbed "jokes" to cover those mistakes), and chances are the song would be then gone forever; a few minutes of "music" that tickled a couple of sympathetic souls, then lost to the world as a moment of insignificant history.

Some songs did find their way into the digital world though, as you may have been unfortunate enough to hear over the past few years. This was either because some friendly soul asked for a recorded version, or because Johnny Setlist sought to redeem a song's poor live performance with a take of what was meant to be performed. Sometimes up to twelve people listened to these tracks on the internet world, a factoid which Johnny Setlist has fervently shared with his now ever-so-proud parents and all his close friend multiple times so as to feel a smidgen of self-importance and pride in this large, and largely unforgiving universe.

All that changes now, in the most logical and uneventful way possible: "Silly Songs About Swing Dancing" collects tracks from the past years onto one digestible album. Nearly all of them are freshly recorded versions (if not freshly "remastered" in one or two instances), so be dazzled at the new details and instrumentation! Some songs never got recorded after being performed, so they will be heard by some for the first time ever! How tremendously exciting! And there's even something completely new there for you, which, unless you have bugged Johnny Setlist's tiny, creaky, and poorly insulated recording room, you will have not heard before.

So enjoy this music, if you can. It's not always easy, which Johnny Setlist knows for sure; some of these songs are a few years old, so their references arrive here a little dated (Carly Rae Jepsen 4ever!), but they come with a spirited intention of bringing a smile to your face, even if it is a pitying one. And if you're not tuned up on all the swing dancing lingo, then what Johnny Setlist is singing about may go over your head. To that, Johnny Setlist implores you to either stop listening to this album altogether and partake in one of his more relatable (but much more dour) LPs, or start dancing. Both avenues produce great outcomes.

Finally, to conclude this much too long album description, Johnny Setlist asks one thing: If you, for whatever mad reason, have enjoyed listening to one, some, or all of these songs, or know of someone who would enjoy it, then do consider sharing it. Or just share it at large with all your friends on all the social media outlets. Again, both avenues produce great results. Thank you for taking the time to listen and taking an interest in these words. Your support, help, and whoops of encouragement keep Johnny Setlist making music like this, so please stop it at your earliest convenience.

credits

released March 13, 2017

All the noise made across this album, either intentional or not, was done so by Johnny Setlist. He also did all the artwork and everything else because he's just so impossible to work with.

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Johnny Setlist Edinburgh, UK

Johnny Setlist makes music. You may listen or you may not. He is also quite fond of cake.

johnnysetlist [at] gmail.com

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Track Name: I Wanna Learn To Dance
Now I'll admit i've been wandering down a path of unhappiness
Simply because I cannot find a way in which to express
The feelings inside of me, the energy within
I've been lost for so very long, I just don't know where to begin

But then I came across a sight which inspired me to my core
I suddenly realised what it is that my life must be for
A scene of men and women - they were dancing to and fro
And they looked to happy I thought, "Hey, I should give it a go!"

So I went along to a Lindy Hop lesson
But the whole experience was quite distressing
I just couldn't move my feet in the right way
So I decided to leave it for another day

What's next? Oh yes! I'll give Balboa a shot!
And you can bet i'm going to give it everything i've got
But even with someone that close to my chest
I still feel over like Cary Grant in North By Northwest

But I wanna learn to dance, I wanna learn Ballroom
Though I dance like a mummy who's just been exhumed
And all the other dancers seem to assume
I am Strictly Come Dancing's impending doom

But I wanna learn to dance, I wanna learn to waltz
Even though it'll make apparent all my obvious faults
But i'll put on my tuxedo and impress my detractors
And if they're still unimpressed i'll feed them to Velociraptors

Now most people in my position
Probably would have given up on this mission
But if I could learn to dance my life will be complete
Even though everyone's saying it's an impossible feat

But undiscouraged, I tried Blues
I figured i've got nothing left to lose
And if I fail again, well, it might amuse me
But it wasn't funny when everyone who I asked to dance refused me

But I wanna learn to dance, I wanna learn to Jig
I want to learn to move, like a Higgs
Boson particle through a collider
Though I know i'll end up looking like i'm drunk on cider

I wanna learn to dance, I wanna learn to Swing
I want to be the dancing equivalent of bling
Shining on the floor, looking real cool
And if you're jealous, "SHUT UP FOOL!"

Now I think I've tried every style of dancing
And my ability is definitely not advancing
I don't know what else there's left to try
Oh wait: Oppa Gangnam Style!

Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But I love this song, so
Dance with me maybe?

All the other followers
They think i'm crazy
But i'm really desperate
Dance with me maybe? Please?

But I wanna learn to dance, i'll even dance on a pole
To be able to dance I'd sell the devil my soul
One thing i'm pretty good at though, and i'm not trying to brag
But a lot of ladies said I'm pretty good at the Shag

But I wanna learn to dance, I'll even be a ballerina
Hell, I'll even resort to doing the Macarena
Anything, i'll dance in any old way
I'll even do an interpretive dance to Fifty Shades of Grey

But i'll become a maestro of the floor
I'll dance until my feet are sore
Blues, Balboa, Lindy Hop
I'll dance until the music stops
Track Name: University of Swing
Listen up folks I've got a little song I wanna sing
It's about a place that we call the University of Swing
For over 400 years we've been teaching you to dance
Whether you're from America, Australia, or France

But on one special weekend
When we open up our doors
To invite all of you dancers
To dance upon our floors

So Huzzah! For the University of Swing
And just like in the real world, your degree here won't mean anything
Huzzah! Cause I think that you'll find that we're
The only university that won't cost you five grand every year

So here's to our Bachelors, so nervous before today
Now they're in the jam circle when "Sing, Sing, Sing" is played
And if a song at 200BPM comes on, then be sure to grab a Master
Though they'll likely be asking the DJ if they can play something just a little bit faster
And to our Master solo dancers, flying high on their own
Showing you can be twice as good as a couple, even when you're all alone
And of course our Doctorate students, the cream of our crop
Masters of the swing outs, and masters of the stops

So Huzzah! For the University of Swing
What more could you ask for from a place that gives you everything?
Huzzah! To the university that meets all your criteria
And if you're feeling peckish, be sure to check out our cafeteria

(Today's specials are: fishtail soup, pancakes, and we've got some really nice big apples. I'm so sorry.)

But don't forget our professors
To whom everything we owe
Passing down their wisdom
And teaching us everything we know

And if you have a dancing epiphany, where you shout "Eureka!"
Then chances are it came from a class you had with the DecaVitas
And Gosia and Kuno, from Copenhagen they bring their happy feet
Be sure to ask "vil du gerne danse?" if you're lucky enough to meet them
And Scottie and Trisha, what can I say? They're legends in our time
So much experience and knowledge, it can't be condensed into a simple rhyme

And our solo jazz king Sepp, full of such pizzazz and such flair
You'll wish you could put him in your pocket and take him everywhere
And you should get to know Cat, she know's where it's at
Anyone who has seen her will tell you she's all that
Don't think you can? Then you better see Cam
I don't even swing that way, but have you seen that guy? Dayuuummm

So Huzzah! And I hope you're shouting it with pride
Take the joy you get from here and spread it nationwide
Huzzah! To the University of Swing
And if you want to learn how to dance, then this truly is the place to begin
Track Name: So You Wanna Learn To Dance?
If you're looking for a place to help you start moving
If tango and ballroom look a little too confusing
If you like the way that jazz music gets your hips a'shakin'
Then you might just be another swing dancer in the making

So when looking for a place why not consider an institution
Where having a good time is written into their constitution
Where getting you on the dance floor is their only goal
You might heard of the place; it's called Swing Patrol

So what is it you ask, well, it's the lovechild of an Australian
Who had such faith in the whole thing he sold it on Dragon's Den
It doesn't matter if you're old or young, you're fast or you're slow, or if you're portly or petite
And don't think for a second we won't accept you if you've got two left feet

So if you're looking for a lesson on how to Charleston like a flapper
If you want to hang around men at their most dapper
If you want to meet strangers who'll show you a good time
Then they'll do it in three minutes without you paying them a dime

So try swing dancing, it's a noble pursuit
Join Swing Patrol - they'll put you on the right route
So you cab dance like a king, a queen, a princess, or a prince
Or just in a way that won't make people wince

Ask any swing dancer what it is about the dance that makes their heart ignite
And they'll give you a hundred reasons why they've got lindy hopper's delight
Granted though swing dancing might not be for everyone out there
But if you join us for a lesson there's a good chance you'll be become ensnared

We're Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol
Making incomplete lives become a whole
We're Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol
Spreading joy across the world, from pole to pole
Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol
Come and learn to Charleston, or come and learn a stroll
Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol
We'll teach you how to be as smooth as a sueded soul

From Australia to Berlin, and of course the UK
A place for you to look sharp and dance the night away
Girls put on their dresses and boys put on their braces
They've got all the right halls in all the right places

"So whose this Australian?" Oh, don't be acting stupid
You know i'm talking 'bout none other than Scott Cupit
If you saw him on the street, then you'd be sure to stop
Cause every inch of him is perfect, from the bottom to the top

Yeah, my teacher he told me, "don't worry about your slides"
Cause your partner prefer if you were triple-stepping all night
It ain't 'bout being fancy or trying to look too hot
It's about having a good time and giving it everything you got

(So give it up for)
Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol
Cheer like you mean it, 'til you lose control
Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol
Give them all the love you've got in your soul

[Repeat ad nauseam]
Track Name: Valentine's Swing
I found myself next to you on Valentine's Day
The atmosphere is awkward, I don't know what to say
There's couples all around us, they are smiling at each other
Happy because they've got (ugh) one another

Though you wouldn't know it I have liked you for some time
There's butterflies in my stomach and I'm pretty that I'm
Going to ruin the mood if I tell you how I feel
But there'll never be a moment that will truly be ideal

So I muster up my courage
So I can convey
The way you fill my heart with joy
Like a child's on Christmas Day

So I go to break the silence
There's no turning back from here
Trying my best to channel
My inner Shakespeare

Fairest maiden, I look upon thee and I bequeath a request
I don't suppose you...

Want to try to some tandem? I mean do you want to messaround?
Do you want to see how low we both can get in our get downs?
Do you want to fall on the log? Do you want to spank the baby?
Gosh, maybe this would be easier if I just sang you "Call Me Maybe"
What i'm trying to say is perhaps maybe you'd like to try some pecks
Or do you want to go back to mine for some...pancakes?

The point is I've been gazing afar for much too long
And when I say I want to try scissor kicks, then please don't get me wrong
I'd love to go boogie down on you, and I won't leave you with itches
Or maybe we can do some hacksaws, or even try some switches
I've got a new connection point I'd really like to try
And I've got a close embrace that I'd love to modify

Not being able to be with you is half-breaking my heart
I want to be boogie forward with you, but I don't know where to start
I've been solo jazzing on my own and that time would be through
If I only had the courage to say I'd love to Tranky Doo you...
...think it's getting hot in here? I sure could use some breezy knees
No? You're fine? Then I guess it's just me
Listen, I don't want to practice shorty georges, triple steps, or even truckin'
Isn't it blatantly obvious i'm talking about ffffff...

Dancing! Do you want to dance? I sure do love this song?
Yeah, sorry for being weird back there, the day's been really long
Yeah, Valentine's is lame; I'd totally never confess my to anyone today...

[Trails off. Rambles incoherently. Stop talking. Please.]

But hey, at least you and I - with whatever partners you and I want - can dance the night away
Track Name: 60 Second Showcase
I thought I might write a song to help win me the prize
I thought I might a song to get applause form you guys
But a minute isn't long enough to write a decent composition
At least one that's good enough to get me into first position

But none of this matters because i'm a shameless whore
I'll do anything to win, save from straddling the floor
I'll buy you a drink, i'll write you a song, i'll sing a version of "My Humps"
I'll bark like a dog, i'll moo like a cow, i'll do an impression of Donald Drumpf

I'll compliment you everyday - Hey, you're looking great!
I'll go and buy you medicine when you're constipated
We can go on holiday, i'll print your boarding pass
Or you can objectify me, i'll stand here wiggling my ...ass

My message is a simple one with no deep, hidden meaning
I'd like to win a party pass so I can dance in Sweden
But just in case my message and my meaning are unclear
When they point to me please give your loudest cheer
Track Name: All Star Dancer
Somebody once told me if I want someone to hold me
I'm gonna have to ask for consent
Cause there's not an ounce of sense and it really is quite dense
To start acting like a certain US President

Cause the dance gets sweeter when you leave some centimetres
You're just trying to have a dance, you're not trying to complete her
Leave a little space between you and them
No matter how slow or fast the BPM

So many moves, so many songs
They'd all be better if we all got along
You don't need a reason to say no
If you get rejected, say "no worries" then off you go

Hey now, you're a dancer, get your shoes on and swing out
Hey now, you're a human, and you have your own boundaries
And as a human too
I respect your boundaries through and through

You're not a mind reader so don't think i'm just a leader
Please don't go presuming my role
We're all here to have fun, and is it so hard to ask someone
What part they want to dance; you should make that your goal

Hey now, you're a dancer, get your shoes on and swing out
Hey now, you're a human, and you have your own boundaries
And as a human too
I respect your boundaries through and through

I'm not riding a high horse, i'm creating a discourse
But forgive me if I sound too severe
It just strikes me as absurd we still have to construct words
To make these sexist, bigoted, offensive, outdated, intolerant, misogynistic attitudes disappear

Cause in all dance places we just want safe spaces
Should be as important as tying your laces
Conversation is what dancing's about
Don't ever feel like you can't speak out

So many moves, so many songs
They'd all be better if we all got along
You don't need a reason to say no
If you get rejected, say "no worries" and off you go

Hey now, you're a dancer, get your shoes on and swing out
Hey now, you're a human, and you have your own boundaries
And as a human too
I respect your boundaries through and through
Yes, as a human too
I respect your boundaries through and through
Track Name: Swing Revolution
In the corridors and in the halls
A change is happening that'll affect us all
A new lease of life is on the books
It's only surprising that it took

So long for it to come about
But now the crowds will chant and cheer and shout
Of the joy-inducing, uprising force
That'll set this country on a better course

(It's a) Swing swing revolution
Dancing is the solution
Grab a partner so we can tear down
These institutions

Swing swing revolution
Dancing is the solution
A way of life more natural
Than the process of evolution

We'll bring the government to its knees
We'll dance when and wherever we please
No more of those damn bureaucrats
Only Count Basie, Ella Fitzgerald, and Fats

Waller, Chick Webb, and Artie Shaw
A love of dancing is the only law
Join us now! How could you resist?
No longer will dancers just coexist

(It's a) Swing swing revolution
Dancing is the solution
Just Suzie Q'ing on your own
Will count as a contribution

Swing swing revolution
Dancing is the solution
If you're not dancing, then you're not happy
Stop kidding yourself of that delusion

There is a t-shirt
And the message on it reads
That everything is better
When you are in Leeds

Now I didn't quite believe the message
I mean, how different could they be?
Leeds is probably just another
British city i'll never see

But oh, how wrong I was!
You see a change is on the way
A place where you can dance at night
But also dance all day

And it all begins right here
In a society at the university
Where a future of dancing and happiness
Is the only future that I can see

(So join the)

Swing swing revolution
Dancing is the solution
Let boogie backs and eagle slides
Be written into the constitution

Swing swing revolution
Dancing is the solution
If we can't have all the power
I suppose we'll settle for devolution

Swing swing revolution
Dancing is the solution
Let joining our worthy cause
Be your only resolution

Swing swing revolution
Dancing is the solution
No more debating on the topic now
The matter has reached it's conclusion
Track Name: A Rule of Dancing
I hear Halloween is creeping round the corner
And everybody wants a little death and disorder
Everybody's dressed up, as vampires or as clowns
Or a corpse bride with a full blown, tattered wedding gown

Some are dressed as werewolves, some are dressed as witches
One guy dressed as a pimp, surrounded by his ....riches
People dressed as superheroes, like Thor, Supergirl, Hulk, or Doctor Strange
Or villains like the Joker, Loki, or even Bane

But no matter what your costume is one rule you must abide
Especially when you're dancing with someone by your side
It doesn't matter if you're new to lindy, or internationally adored
There's one rule you've got to always take on board

No capes!
Yes, you heard what I said (I said)
No capes!
They make it impossible to be led
(So) No capes!
I know you think they make you look cool
(But) No capes!
Look at Wonder Woman and Deadpool
No capes!
...well, actually...
No capes!
Don't care about your costume's accuracy
No capes!
Just like Edna Mode did decree
"No capes!"

Cause you'll trip on it, you'll rip it
And you'll whip your partner's face with it
That's why this censorship is asking you to strip yourself of it (so)

No capes!
I'll say it as many times as I need to
No capes!
Doesn't matter if you're dancing lindy or blues
No capes!
I don't care if your name's Count Dracula
No capes!
Or if it makes you look spectacular
No freakin' capes!

Sure, when you're at a party, wearing a cape, just standing round
You're much less likely then to bring somebody tumbling down
But be careful when walking home, because you never know
When your cape could get sucked into an unexpected tornado!

And it's also not just any cape, it's any kind of trail
That's hanging from your back, like a Diplodocus tail
So when you do a Texas Tommy, and go to grab your partner's hand
It's like trying to find a needle in a billion grains of sand!

And you have super powers, say like super strength
But that doesn't excuse a cape or gown of any size or length
I'm putting my foot down, there's simply has to be this ban
Unless, of course, if your excuse is "BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!"

But I hope now that you see wearing a cape is inherently flawed
A decision almost as terrible as paying to go see Suicide Squad
And though my message may seem like a dead horse that's been beaten
It certainly seems one last time at least worth repeating:
No capes!
Track Name: 600 Minutes of Swing
600 Minutes of Swing
I don't know where to begin
Although it seems quite smart
To begin at the start:

The first minute was easy
I was putting on my shoes
I was sure that I would make it
Until the end of the Blues

By minute three or four
I was having my first dance
And what better way to spend the time
As each minute advanced

Minute after minute
And song after song
My adrenaline was pumping
And my legs were feeling strong

It was twenty minutes in
When I first looked at my watch
And I noticed that I was already
Sweating from the crotch

Fifteen minutes later
And the sweating had increased
My forehead looked like it had just been
Baptised by a priest

And after the first hour
I looked like I had been swimming in the ocean
And the smell I was creating
Was causing some commotion

So I changed and deodorised
And was feeling quite refreshed
And I'm glad to say my followers
No longer seemed distressed

With a fresher kind of confidence
The first hundred minutes glided by
Then two hundred, then three hundred
I was half way though - oh my!

Then minute number three-hundred and eighty one
Oh, I was so thankful that the Blues had begun
My legs were aching, my clothes were all drenched
But I'm not about to surrender, what do you think I am? French?!

No, I won't give up, i'll dance these 600 minutes through
I'll dance until I wear some holes into my shoes
Cause dancing seems like the only thing I know how to do
And I'll dance until I give my own feet the Blues

And we all knows what happens when we overextend
When our body's given up, but our mind wants to pretend
By minute 505 I was asleep on my partner's shoulder
But it still counts cause a dance is in the feet of the beholder

By minute 550 I must have fainted on the floor
They told me I was a doing a move called "Crawling Toward The Door"
I realise now 600 minutes is longer than I think
And dancing for ten hours straight will bring a dancer to the brink
But there's one guy who can help you, but I hope you understand
That if you make a deal with the Devil then you'll be damned

But if you're looking to come out of it not too dishevelled
Then by all means slip down to Beelzebub's level
"Yeah, i'll give you the stamina, but there's a price you must pay
You can dance all of the dances, but you must dance them all with me!"

I hope you give my message a little consideration
I hope you don't choke your partner with excessive perspiration
I hope you don't fall into the grasp of temptation
So that next day's classes seem twice as long in duration
I hope you have fun, but don't wear yourself out
Cause in the end that's what dancing is all about
Cause after last year, well, i'm lucky to be alive
But if you heed my advice then you might just survive
Track Name: The Zombie Apocalypse
I was at a party at the start of the apocalypse
Being eyed up by a girl who led me into a kiss
Now, i'm not saying it wasn't pleasant, and I mean no disrespect
But she wasn't trying to kiss me; she was trying to bite my neck

I drew myself away, trying not to be impolite
But with yellow eyes and rotten flesh, something about her just didn't seem right
And at that moment I looked around, and noticed everyone else looked just like her
And I looked like the main course, and they like eager restaurateurs

I tried to shout for help, but was drowned out by their groans
And of course there was no signal, so I couldn't use my phone
And the internet was down, so I couldn't check my Twitter feed
Which is probably for the best, because a sarcastic comment saying "OMG Zombies!!1!" is the last thing anybody needs

They cornered me too quickly and it began to look just like the end
And that girl who tried to kiss me still looked intent on becoming a very close friend
I was surrounded, there was no escape, there was simply no way through
And, panic stricken, I couldn't think what to do, so I did the Tranky Doo

And oh my goodness, oh my gosh, it seemed to do the trick
Right before my eyes they started copying my kick-
Ball changes and fall off the logs, as they warded off their advance
It might sound like science fiction, but the cure seemed to be dance!

So needlessly making it harder I did the Big Apple routine
And their version of it was the best one I've ever seen
They knew every single move, and every break was hit
And they made Michael Jackson's "Thriller" zombies look like sh-
(Nah, they're actually pretty good in that video actually)

So I led them into a Shim Sham, and they were shimmying like pros
Where they got those variations from, well, God only knows
And the virus that inflicted them, it seemed to disappear
But I didn't try to understand it because, well, i'm not a biological engineer

So here we are with life again where dancing is the solution
But this is a zombie apocalypse, it's not Swing Revolution!
And amidst all the horror, and everything that was gong wrong
I realised most heinously I forgot to write a chorus to this song

(hmmm)

So here it is, and here we are at the zombie apocalypse
And if you want to survive, then here are some tips
Learn yourself some jazz steps, or start moving you hips
Cause it's the only way to survive at the zombie apocalypse
Track Name: Viking Swing
Clear the path, make some space
Don't try and run, cause we will chase you
Through the streets and into caves
All of you are now all our slaves
Lay down your weapons you cannot win
Didn't anyone warn you about Viking Swing

But before you're led on with misdirection
Let me clear up a few misconceptions
None of us are barbaric folk
Most of us don't even smoke
We're not here to raid your land
But we'll take your dancers by the hand
So we can dance along to some Viking Swing

Viking Swing
Much like you've read in the ancient lore
We're the mythic warriors of the dance floor
Viking Swing
Don't think for a second that we're uncivil
If you don't believe us just watch us swivel
At Viking Swing

Now let me make a few things clear
We don't use axes, we don't use spears
Jazz steps are the weapons we choose
Winning all our battles in our dancing shoes
There is no point in resisting
Hit the floor, get your hips a'twistin'
Everyone will be enlisting to Viking Swing

Viking Swing
A revolution will come about
With Suzie Qs and swing outs
Viking Swing
With Ragnor Lodbrock on our side
We'll hit you back with our eagle slides
At Viking Swing

Viking Swing
As soon as out longships hit the shore
We're headed towards your dance floor
Viking Swing
It is decreed, don't try impede us
We'll take your followers and your leaders
Cause everyday we're pillaging

We dance all night to the sun
We dance all night to get some
We dance all night for good fun
We dance all night just like Loki
We dance all night just like Loki...

(At) Viking Swing
It's a state of being, a way of life
From deepest Norway to nearest Fife
Viking Swing
Strike a pose, get yourself spun
Get into a tandem Charleston
Viking Swing
Huzzah to Auden and Charlotte
If you haven't danced with them yet, then you really gotta
Viking Swing
The most fun that you'll have ever seen
Everyone will be jealous that you have been to
Viking Swing
Track Name: Swinging At The Seance
If you listen carefully then you might just hear
The sound of those who've departed, or those who've disappeared
Cause once you finally shuffled off this mortal coil
It's not a case you simply lie about surrounded by a coffin and some soil
Because the afterlife may seem treacherous, but by God it's rarely dull
Cause actors playing Hamlet keep on digging up your skull

[Recite Shakespeare so eloquently that Sir Ian McKellen would be jealous of your mad skills.]

But try talking to the spirits and they might well just comply
And if you ask them about the afterlife then here's how they might reply

It's really not so bad here, in fact I'd say it's great
And if I'm being honest, mate, well I'll tell you this up straight:
That even if on earth you might be late or desecrated
The update into the afterlife is immensely underrated!

Oh, the afterlife is swell, you'll be glad you said farewell
Cause once you have befell its spell there's nowhere else you'll want to dwell
Cause as far as the eye can see, and as far as you think that things can be
All members of society have assembled at this assembly

It's a soiree; it's a gala; it's shindig; it's a prom
It's a banquet; it's a feast - oh, this party is the bomb!
There's drinking it is endless and the mood's always enhancing
And, oh yes, how could I forget? There's fuckloads of dancing!

But no need for an early death or decapitation
Just grab yourself a Ouija board and tune into our station
Fill your glass to brimming and you'll hear the band a'singing
And everyone at the seance will surely be swinging

Because you're dressed so finely when you're put to rest
You'll arrive at the party wearing your Sunday best
Yes, all the greats are here: Count Basie, Fats, and Ella
And if I had to describe this place, I could say, "Bella! Bella!"

You can swing out to your heart's content, cause you're heart's no longer there
As a spirit in the afterlife there's no need for medical care
Say goodbye to all that breathlessness; au revoir to your sore back
Auf wiedersehen to blistered feet and asthma attacks
No more waking up with sore limbs that feel like spaghetti
No more aches and pains, but you somehow still get sweaty

But no need for an early death or decapitation
Just grab yourself a Ouija board and tune into our station
Fill your glass to brimming and you'll hear the band a'singing
And everyone at the seance will surely be swinging

But to get into the party there only is one rule
You've got to be a spirit, a spectre, a ghost, or a ghoul
And by spectre I don't means James Bond, and by spirit I don't mean gin
But if you bring enough gin for everyone then we might just let you in

So get yourself practising, get ready in advance
Cause cats and dogs and other animals are joining in the dance
Yes, all the birds and bees are triple stepping in their stride
And we now know why the chicken crossed the road - to get to other side!

We'll be swinging, we'll be swinging
We'll be swinging at the seance
We'll be swinging, we'll be swinging
We'll be swinging at the seance

[repeat until necessary]

But no need for an early death or decapitation
Just grab yourself a Ouija board and tune into our station
Fill your glass to brimming and you'll hear the band a'singing
And everyone at the seance will definitely be swinging
Track Name: Herräng
I've just touched down in Sweden
And adventure, it beckons!
A couple of weeks of lindy hop sounds good
Don't you reckon?

I'm waiting for the bus
So the fun can begin
With my suitcase full of shirts and shoes
And underpants and gin

(Ahem, I mean water. Fresh Hendricks water...)

Driving through the greenery
My heart starts to quicken
The reality of where I am
It soon starts to kick in

I'm at Herräng!
Where the fun never stops!
I'm at Herräng!
It's like every single workshop!
I'm at Herräng!
Where everybody's your friend!
And cause it's longer than a weekend you'll definitely overspend!

At Herräng!
You can learn from the best!
At Herräng!
You can put your dancing to the test!
At Herräng!
You can meet all the finely dressed folk!
With their beautiful dressed and their three piece suits
But we should judge each other on material attributes

At Herräng!
Where even if you wear all of your clothes
At Herräng!
You'll still get bitten by mosquitoes
At Herräng!
Where-they-just-won't-GO-AWAY!
And to think I paid 200 krone for a useless insect spray


I'm at Herräng
Where I haven't had that much sleep
At Herräng
There's a reason general accommodation's so very cheap
At Herräng
Get an eye mask and earplugs
And if you're feeling adventurous then some sleep-inducing drugs

But even in a village full of people
I still find myself feeling lonely
I guess there's something about sleeping in a musky, darkened gym hall with a hundred other people
That doesn't quite feel homely
Sometimes the feeling lingers
But mostly it goes
Cause there's always a smiling face here
To take you out of the shadows

When you're at Herräng
Why not try something new?
When you're at Herräng
Like dancing Be-bop or Blues
When you're at Herräng
Dance 'til you gotta drag yourself to bed
Or go to the ice cream parlour and re-energise on banana bread

When you're at Herräng
The daily meetings are a must
When you're at Herräng
Cause who knows what Lennart will discuss
When you're at Herräng
He'll tell you tales of lindy joy
That'll make you feel like you're dancing back at the Savoy

When you're at Herräng
Try a cultural activity
When you're at Herräng
Like mask making, or cow safari(?)
When you're at Herräng
Your imagination is your limit
And like the water at the beach you gotta throw yourself into it

When you're at Herräng
It's not about what you do with your feet
When you're at Herräng
It's about the people you meet
When you're at Herräng
It's not unusual to cry
When you realise the hardest thing you have to do is say goodbye