If you listen carefully then you might just hear
The sound of those who've departed, or those who've disappeared
Cause once you finally shuffled off this mortal coil
It's not a case you simply lie about surrounded by a coffin and some soil
Because the afterlife may seem treacherous, but by God it's rarely dull
Cause actors playing Hamlet keep on digging up your skull

[Recite Shakespeare so eloquently that Sir Ian McKellen would be jealous of your mad skills.]

But try talking to the spirits and they might well just comply
And if you ask them about the afterlife then here's how they might reply

It's really not so bad here, in fact I'd say it's great
And if I'm being honest, mate, well I'll tell you this up straight:
That even if on earth you might be late or desecrated
The update into the afterlife is immensely underrated!

Oh, the afterlife is swell, you'll be glad you said farewell
Cause once you have befell its spell there's nowhere else you'll want to dwell
Cause as far as the eye can see, and as far as you think that things can be
All members of society have assembled at this assembly

It's a soiree; it's a gala; it's shindig; it's a prom
It's a banquet; it's a feast - oh, this party is the bomb!
There's drinking it is endless and the mood's always enhancing
And, oh yes, how could I forget? There's fuckloads of dancing!

But no need for an early death or decapitation
Just grab yourself a Ouija board and tune into our station
Fill your glass to brimming and you'll hear the band a'singing
And everyone at the seance will surely be swinging

Because you're dressed so finely when you're put to rest
You'll arrive at the party wearing your Sunday best
Yes, all the greats are here: Count Basie, Fats, and Ella
And if I had to describe this place, I could say, "Bella! Bella!"

You can swing out to your heart's content, cause you're heart's no longer there
As a spirit in the afterlife there's no need for medical care
Say goodbye to all that breathlessness; au revoir to your sore back
Auf wiedersehen to blistered feet and asthma attacks
No more waking up with sore limbs that feel like spaghetti
No more aches and pains, but you somehow still get sweaty

But no need for an early death or decapitation
Just grab yourself a Ouija board and tune into our station
Fill your glass to brimming and you'll hear the band a'singing
And everyone at the seance will surely be swinging

But to get into the party there only is one rule
You've got to be a spirit, a spectre, a ghost, or a ghoul
And by spectre I don't means James Bond, and by spirit I don't mean gin
But if you bring enough gin for everyone then we might just let you in

So get yourself practising, get ready in advance
Cause cats and dogs and other animals are joining in the dance
Yes, all the birds and bees are triple stepping in their stride
And we now know why the chicken crossed the road - to get to other side!

We'll be swinging, we'll be swinging
We'll be swinging at the seance
We'll be swinging, we'll be swinging
We'll be swinging at the seance

[repeat until necessary]

But no need for an early death or decapitation
Just grab yourself a Ouija board and tune into our station
Fill your glass to brimming and you'll hear the band a'singing
And everyone at the seance will definitely be swinging