If you're looking for a place to help you start moving
If tango and ballroom look a little too confusing
If you like the way that jazz music gets your hips a'shakin'
Then you might just be another swing dancer in the making

So when looking for a place why not consider an institution
Where having a good time is written into their constitution
Where getting you on the dance floor is their only goal
You might heard of the place; it's called Swing Patrol

So what is it you ask, well, it's the lovechild of an Australian
Who had such faith in the whole thing he sold it on Dragon's Den
It doesn't matter if you're old or young, you're fast or you're slow, or if you're portly or petite
And don't think for a second we won't accept you if you've got two left feet

So if you're looking for a lesson on how to Charleston like a flapper
If you want to hang around men at their most dapper
If you want to meet strangers who'll show you a good time
Then they'll do it in three minutes without you paying them a dime

So try swing dancing, it's a noble pursuit
Join Swing Patrol - they'll put you on the right route
So you cab dance like a king, a queen, a princess, or a prince
Or just in a way that won't make people wince

Ask any swing dancer what it is about the dance that makes their heart ignite
And they'll give you a hundred reasons why they've got lindy hopper's delight
Granted though swing dancing might not be for everyone out there
But if you join us for a lesson there's a good chance you'll be become ensnared

We're Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol
Making incomplete lives become a whole
We're Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol
Spreading joy across the world, from pole to pole
Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol
Come and learn to Charleston, or come and learn a stroll
Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol
We'll teach you how to be as smooth as a sueded soul

From Australia to Berlin, and of course the UK
A place for you to look sharp and dance the night away
Girls put on their dresses and boys put on their braces
They've got all the right halls in all the right places

"So whose this Australian?" Oh, don't be acting stupid
You know i'm talking 'bout none other than Scott Cupit
If you saw him on the street, then you'd be sure to stop
Cause every inch of him is perfect, from the bottom to the top

Yeah, my teacher he told me, "don't worry about your slides"
Cause your partner prefer if you were triple-stepping all night
It ain't 'bout being fancy or trying to look too hot
It's about having a good time and giving it everything you got

(So give it up for)
Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol
Cheer like you mean it, 'til you lose control
Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol
Give them all the love you've got in your soul

[Repeat ad nauseam]