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lyrics

I hear Halloween is creeping round the corner
And everybody wants a little death and disorder
Everybody's dressed up, as vampires or as clowns
Or a corpse bride with a full blown, tattered wedding gown

Some are dressed as werewolves, some are dressed as witches
One guy dressed as a pimp, surrounded by his ....riches
People dressed as superheroes, like Thor, Supergirl, Hulk, or Doctor Strange
Or villains like the Joker, Loki, or even Bane

But no matter what your costume is one rule you must abide
Especially when you're dancing with someone by your side
It doesn't matter if you're new to lindy, or internationally adored
There's one rule you've got to always take on board

No capes!
Yes, you heard what I said (I said)
No capes!
They make it impossible to be led
(So) No capes!
I know you think they make you look cool
(But) No capes!
Look at Wonder Woman and Deadpool
No capes!
...well, actually...
No capes!
Don't care about your costume's accuracy
No capes!
Just like Edna Mode did decree
"No capes!"

Cause you'll trip on it, you'll rip it
And you'll whip your partner's face with it
That's why this censorship is asking you to strip yourself of it (so)

No capes!
I'll say it as many times as I need to
No capes!
Doesn't matter if you're dancing lindy or blues
No capes!
I don't care if your name's Count Dracula
No capes!
Or if it makes you look spectacular
No freakin' capes!

Sure, when you're at a party, wearing a cape, just standing round
You're much less likely then to bring somebody tumbling down
But be careful when walking home, because you never know
When your cape could get sucked into an unexpected tornado!

And it's also not just any cape, it's any kind of trail
That's hanging from your back, like a Diplodocus tail
So when you do a Texas Tommy, and go to grab your partner's hand
It's like trying to find a needle in a billion grains of sand!

And you have super powers, say like super strength
But that doesn't excuse a cape or gown of any size or length
I'm putting my foot down, there's simply has to be this ban
Unless, of course, if your excuse is "BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!"

But I hope now that you see wearing a cape is inherently flawed
A decision almost as terrible as paying to go see Suicide Squad
And though my message may seem like a dead horse that's been beaten
It certainly seems one last time at least worth repeating:
No capes!

credits

from Silly Songs About Swing Dancing, released March 13, 2017

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Johnny Setlist Edinburgh, UK

Johnny Setlist makes music. You may listen or you may not. He is also quite fond of cake.

johnnysetlist [at] gmail.com

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