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Silly Songs About Swing Dancing

by Johnny Setlist

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1.
Now I'll admit i've been wandering down a path of unhappiness Simply because I cannot find a way in which to express The feelings inside of me, the energy within I've been lost for so very long, I just don't know where to begin But then I came across a sight which inspired me to my core I suddenly realised what it is that my life must be for A scene of men and women - they were dancing to and fro And they looked to happy I thought, "Hey, I should give it a go!" So I went along to a Lindy Hop lesson But the whole experience was quite distressing I just couldn't move my feet in the right way So I decided to leave it for another day What's next? Oh yes! I'll give Balboa a shot! And you can bet i'm going to give it everything i've got But even with someone that close to my chest I still feel over like Cary Grant in North By Northwest But I wanna learn to dance, I wanna learn Ballroom Though I dance like a mummy who's just been exhumed And all the other dancers seem to assume I am Strictly Come Dancing's impending doom But I wanna learn to dance, I wanna learn to waltz Even though it'll make apparent all my obvious faults But i'll put on my tuxedo and impress my detractors And if they're still unimpressed i'll feed them to Velociraptors Now most people in my position Probably would have given up on this mission But if I could learn to dance my life will be complete Even though everyone's saying it's an impossible feat But undiscouraged, I tried Blues I figured i've got nothing left to lose And if I fail again, well, it might amuse me But it wasn't funny when everyone who I asked to dance refused me But I wanna learn to dance, I wanna learn to Jig I want to learn to move, like a Higgs Boson particle through a collider Though I know i'll end up looking like i'm drunk on cider I wanna learn to dance, I wanna learn to Swing I want to be the dancing equivalent of bling Shining on the floor, looking real cool And if you're jealous, "SHUT UP FOOL!" Now I think I've tried every style of dancing And my ability is definitely not advancing I don't know what else there's left to try Oh wait: Oppa Gangnam Style! Hey, I just met you And this is crazy But I love this song, so Dance with me maybe? All the other followers They think i'm crazy But i'm really desperate Dance with me maybe? Please? But I wanna learn to dance, i'll even dance on a pole To be able to dance I'd sell the devil my soul One thing i'm pretty good at though, and i'm not trying to brag But a lot of ladies said I'm pretty good at the Shag But I wanna learn to dance, I'll even be a ballerina Hell, I'll even resort to doing the Macarena Anything, i'll dance in any old way I'll even do an interpretive dance to Fifty Shades of Grey But i'll become a maestro of the floor I'll dance until my feet are sore Blues, Balboa, Lindy Hop I'll dance until the music stops
2.
Listen up folks I've got a little song I wanna sing It's about a place that we call the University of Swing For over 400 years we've been teaching you to dance Whether you're from America, Australia, or France But on one special weekend When we open up our doors To invite all of you dancers To dance upon our floors So Huzzah! For the University of Swing And just like in the real world, your degree here won't mean anything Huzzah! Cause I think that you'll find that we're The only university that won't cost you five grand every year So here's to our Bachelors, so nervous before today Now they're in the jam circle when "Sing, Sing, Sing" is played And if a song at 200BPM comes on, then be sure to grab a Master Though they'll likely be asking the DJ if they can play something just a little bit faster And to our Master solo dancers, flying high on their own Showing you can be twice as good as a couple, even when you're all alone And of course our Doctorate students, the cream of our crop Masters of the swing outs, and masters of the stops So Huzzah! For the University of Swing What more could you ask for from a place that gives you everything? Huzzah! To the university that meets all your criteria And if you're feeling peckish, be sure to check out our cafeteria (Today's specials are: fishtail soup, pancakes, and we've got some really nice big apples. I'm so sorry.) But don't forget our professors To whom everything we owe Passing down their wisdom And teaching us everything we know And if you have a dancing epiphany, where you shout "Eureka!" Then chances are it came from a class you had with the DecaVitas And Gosia and Kuno, from Copenhagen they bring their happy feet Be sure to ask "vil du gerne danse?" if you're lucky enough to meet them And Scottie and Trisha, what can I say? They're legends in our time So much experience and knowledge, it can't be condensed into a simple rhyme And our solo jazz king Sepp, full of such pizzazz and such flair You'll wish you could put him in your pocket and take him everywhere And you should get to know Cat, she know's where it's at Anyone who has seen her will tell you she's all that Don't think you can? Then you better see Cam I don't even swing that way, but have you seen that guy? Dayuuummm So Huzzah! And I hope you're shouting it with pride Take the joy you get from here and spread it nationwide Huzzah! To the University of Swing And if you want to learn how to dance, then this truly is the place to begin
3.
If you're looking for a place to help you start moving If tango and ballroom look a little too confusing If you like the way that jazz music gets your hips a'shakin' Then you might just be another swing dancer in the making So when looking for a place why not consider an institution Where having a good time is written into their constitution Where getting you on the dance floor is their only goal You might heard of the place; it's called Swing Patrol So what is it you ask, well, it's the lovechild of an Australian Who had such faith in the whole thing he sold it on Dragon's Den It doesn't matter if you're old or young, you're fast or you're slow, or if you're portly or petite And don't think for a second we won't accept you if you've got two left feet So if you're looking for a lesson on how to Charleston like a flapper If you want to hang around men at their most dapper If you want to meet strangers who'll show you a good time Then they'll do it in three minutes without you paying them a dime So try swing dancing, it's a noble pursuit Join Swing Patrol - they'll put you on the right route So you cab dance like a king, a queen, a princess, or a prince Or just in a way that won't make people wince Ask any swing dancer what it is about the dance that makes their heart ignite And they'll give you a hundred reasons why they've got lindy hopper's delight Granted though swing dancing might not be for everyone out there But if you join us for a lesson there's a good chance you'll be become ensnared We're Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol Making incomplete lives become a whole We're Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol Spreading joy across the world, from pole to pole Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol Come and learn to Charleston, or come and learn a stroll Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol We'll teach you how to be as smooth as a sueded soul From Australia to Berlin, and of course the UK A place for you to look sharp and dance the night away Girls put on their dresses and boys put on their braces They've got all the right halls in all the right places "So whose this Australian?" Oh, don't be acting stupid You know i'm talking 'bout none other than Scott Cupit If you saw him on the street, then you'd be sure to stop Cause every inch of him is perfect, from the bottom to the top Yeah, my teacher he told me, "don't worry about your slides" Cause your partner prefer if you were triple-stepping all night It ain't 'bout being fancy or trying to look too hot It's about having a good time and giving it everything you got (So give it up for) Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol Cheer like you mean it, 'til you lose control Swing, Swing, Swing Patrol Give them all the love you've got in your soul [Repeat ad nauseam]
4.
I found myself next to you on Valentine's Day The atmosphere is awkward, I don't know what to say There's couples all around us, they are smiling at each other Happy because they've got (ugh) one another Though you wouldn't know it I have liked you for some time There's butterflies in my stomach and I'm pretty that I'm Going to ruin the mood if I tell you how I feel But there'll never be a moment that will truly be ideal So I muster up my courage So I can convey The way you fill my heart with joy Like a child's on Christmas Day So I go to break the silence There's no turning back from here Trying my best to channel My inner Shakespeare Fairest maiden, I look upon thee and I bequeath a request I don't suppose you... Want to try to some tandem? I mean do you want to messaround? Do you want to see how low we both can get in our get downs? Do you want to fall on the log? Do you want to spank the baby? Gosh, maybe this would be easier if I just sang you "Call Me Maybe" What i'm trying to say is perhaps maybe you'd like to try some pecks Or do you want to go back to mine for some...pancakes? The point is I've been gazing afar for much too long And when I say I want to try scissor kicks, then please don't get me wrong I'd love to go boogie down on you, and I won't leave you with itches Or maybe we can do some hacksaws, or even try some switches I've got a new connection point I'd really like to try And I've got a close embrace that I'd love to modify Not being able to be with you is half-breaking my heart I want to be boogie forward with you, but I don't know where to start I've been solo jazzing on my own and that time would be through If I only had the courage to say I'd love to Tranky Doo you... ...think it's getting hot in here? I sure could use some breezy knees No? You're fine? Then I guess it's just me Listen, I don't want to practice shorty georges, triple steps, or even truckin' Isn't it blatantly obvious i'm talking about ffffff... Dancing! Do you want to dance? I sure do love this song? Yeah, sorry for being weird back there, the day's been really long Yeah, Valentine's is lame; I'd totally never confess my to anyone today... [Trails off. Rambles incoherently. Stop talking. Please.] But hey, at least you and I - with whatever partners you and I want - can dance the night away
5.
I thought I might write a song to help win me the prize I thought I might a song to get applause form you guys But a minute isn't long enough to write a decent composition At least one that's good enough to get me into first position But none of this matters because i'm a shameless whore I'll do anything to win, save from straddling the floor I'll buy you a drink, i'll write you a song, i'll sing a version of "My Humps" I'll bark like a dog, i'll moo like a cow, i'll do an impression of Donald Drumpf I'll compliment you everyday - Hey, you're looking great! I'll go and buy you medicine when you're constipated We can go on holiday, i'll print your boarding pass Or you can objectify me, i'll stand here wiggling my ...ass My message is a simple one with no deep, hidden meaning I'd like to win a party pass so I can dance in Sweden But just in case my message and my meaning are unclear When they point to me please give your loudest cheer
6.
Somebody once told me if I want someone to hold me I'm gonna have to ask for consent Cause there's not an ounce of sense and it really is quite dense To start acting like a certain US President Cause the dance gets sweeter when you leave some centimetres You're just trying to have a dance, you're not trying to complete her Leave a little space between you and them No matter how slow or fast the BPM So many moves, so many songs They'd all be better if we all got along You don't need a reason to say no If you get rejected, say "no worries" then off you go Hey now, you're a dancer, get your shoes on and swing out Hey now, you're a human, and you have your own boundaries And as a human too I respect your boundaries through and through You're not a mind reader so don't think i'm just a leader Please don't go presuming my role We're all here to have fun, and is it so hard to ask someone What part they want to dance; you should make that your goal Hey now, you're a dancer, get your shoes on and swing out Hey now, you're a human, and you have your own boundaries And as a human too I respect your boundaries through and through I'm not riding a high horse, i'm creating a discourse But forgive me if I sound too severe It just strikes me as absurd we still have to construct words To make these sexist, bigoted, offensive, outdated, intolerant, misogynistic attitudes disappear Cause in all dance places we just want safe spaces Should be as important as tying your laces Conversation is what dancing's about Don't ever feel like you can't speak out So many moves, so many songs They'd all be better if we all got along You don't need a reason to say no If you get rejected, say "no worries" and off you go Hey now, you're a dancer, get your shoes on and swing out Hey now, you're a human, and you have your own boundaries And as a human too I respect your boundaries through and through Yes, as a human too I respect your boundaries through and through
7.
In the corridors and in the halls A change is happening that'll affect us all A new lease of life is on the books It's only surprising that it took So long for it to come about But now the crowds will chant and cheer and shout Of the joy-inducing, uprising force That'll set this country on a better course (It's a) Swing swing revolution Dancing is the solution Grab a partner so we can tear down These institutions Swing swing revolution Dancing is the solution A way of life more natural Than the process of evolution We'll bring the government to its knees We'll dance when and wherever we please No more of those damn bureaucrats Only Count Basie, Ella Fitzgerald, and Fats Waller, Chick Webb, and Artie Shaw A love of dancing is the only law Join us now! How could you resist? No longer will dancers just coexist (It's a) Swing swing revolution Dancing is the solution Just Suzie Q'ing on your own Will count as a contribution Swing swing revolution Dancing is the solution If you're not dancing, then you're not happy Stop kidding yourself of that delusion There is a t-shirt And the message on it reads That everything is better When you are in Leeds Now I didn't quite believe the message I mean, how different could they be? Leeds is probably just another British city i'll never see But oh, how wrong I was! You see a change is on the way A place where you can dance at night But also dance all day And it all begins right here In a society at the university Where a future of dancing and happiness Is the only future that I can see (So join the) Swing swing revolution Dancing is the solution Let boogie backs and eagle slides Be written into the constitution Swing swing revolution Dancing is the solution If we can't have all the power I suppose we'll settle for devolution Swing swing revolution Dancing is the solution Let joining our worthy cause Be your only resolution Swing swing revolution Dancing is the solution No more debating on the topic now The matter has reached it's conclusion
8.
I hear Halloween is creeping round the corner And everybody wants a little death and disorder Everybody's dressed up, as vampires or as clowns Or a corpse bride with a full blown, tattered wedding gown Some are dressed as werewolves, some are dressed as witches One guy dressed as a pimp, surrounded by his ....riches People dressed as superheroes, like Thor, Supergirl, Hulk, or Doctor Strange Or villains like the Joker, Loki, or even Bane But no matter what your costume is one rule you must abide Especially when you're dancing with someone by your side It doesn't matter if you're new to lindy, or internationally adored There's one rule you've got to always take on board No capes! Yes, you heard what I said (I said) No capes! They make it impossible to be led (So) No capes! I know you think they make you look cool (But) No capes! Look at Wonder Woman and Deadpool No capes! ...well, actually... No capes! Don't care about your costume's accuracy No capes! Just like Edna Mode did decree "No capes!" Cause you'll trip on it, you'll rip it And you'll whip your partner's face with it That's why this censorship is asking you to strip yourself of it (so) No capes! I'll say it as many times as I need to No capes! Doesn't matter if you're dancing lindy or blues No capes! I don't care if your name's Count Dracula No capes! Or if it makes you look spectacular No freakin' capes! Sure, when you're at a party, wearing a cape, just standing round You're much less likely then to bring somebody tumbling down But be careful when walking home, because you never know When your cape could get sucked into an unexpected tornado! And it's also not just any cape, it's any kind of trail That's hanging from your back, like a Diplodocus tail So when you do a Texas Tommy, and go to grab your partner's hand It's like trying to find a needle in a billion grains of sand! And you have super powers, say like super strength But that doesn't excuse a cape or gown of any size or length I'm putting my foot down, there's simply has to be this ban Unless, of course, if your excuse is "BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!" But I hope now that you see wearing a cape is inherently flawed A decision almost as terrible as paying to go see Suicide Squad And though my message may seem like a dead horse that's been beaten It certainly seems one last time at least worth repeating: No capes!
9.
600 Minutes of Swing I don't know where to begin Although it seems quite smart To begin at the start: The first minute was easy I was putting on my shoes I was sure that I would make it Until the end of the Blues By minute three or four I was having my first dance And what better way to spend the time As each minute advanced Minute after minute And song after song My adrenaline was pumping And my legs were feeling strong It was twenty minutes in When I first looked at my watch And I noticed that I was already Sweating from the crotch Fifteen minutes later And the sweating had increased My forehead looked like it had just been Baptised by a priest And after the first hour I looked like I had been swimming in the ocean And the smell I was creating Was causing some commotion So I changed and deodorised And was feeling quite refreshed And I'm glad to say my followers No longer seemed distressed With a fresher kind of confidence The first hundred minutes glided by Then two hundred, then three hundred I was half way though - oh my! Then minute number three-hundred and eighty one Oh, I was so thankful that the Blues had begun My legs were aching, my clothes were all drenched But I'm not about to surrender, what do you think I am? French?! No, I won't give up, i'll dance these 600 minutes through I'll dance until I wear some holes into my shoes Cause dancing seems like the only thing I know how to do And I'll dance until I give my own feet the Blues And we all knows what happens when we overextend When our body's given up, but our mind wants to pretend By minute 505 I was asleep on my partner's shoulder But it still counts cause a dance is in the feet of the beholder By minute 550 I must have fainted on the floor They told me I was a doing a move called "Crawling Toward The Door" I realise now 600 minutes is longer than I think And dancing for ten hours straight will bring a dancer to the brink But there's one guy who can help you, but I hope you understand That if you make a deal with the Devil then you'll be damned But if you're looking to come out of it not too dishevelled Then by all means slip down to Beelzebub's level "Yeah, i'll give you the stamina, but there's a price you must pay You can dance all of the dances, but you must dance them all with me!" I hope you give my message a little consideration I hope you don't choke your partner with excessive perspiration I hope you don't fall into the grasp of temptation So that next day's classes seem twice as long in duration I hope you have fun, but don't wear yourself out Cause in the end that's what dancing is all about Cause after last year, well, i'm lucky to be alive But if you heed my advice then you might just survive
10.
I was at a party at the start of the apocalypse Being eyed up by a girl who led me into a kiss Now, i'm not saying it wasn't pleasant, and I mean no disrespect But she wasn't trying to kiss me; she was trying to bite my neck I drew myself away, trying not to be impolite But with yellow eyes and rotten flesh, something about her just didn't seem right And at that moment I looked around, and noticed everyone else looked just like her And I looked like the main course, and they like eager restaurateurs I tried to shout for help, but was drowned out by their groans And of course there was no signal, so I couldn't use my phone And the internet was down, so I couldn't check my Twitter feed Which is probably for the best, because a sarcastic comment saying "OMG Zombies!!1!" is the last thing anybody needs They cornered me too quickly and it began to look just like the end And that girl who tried to kiss me still looked intent on becoming a very close friend I was surrounded, there was no escape, there was simply no way through And, panic stricken, I couldn't think what to do, so I did the Tranky Doo And oh my goodness, oh my gosh, it seemed to do the trick Right before my eyes they started copying my kick- Ball changes and fall off the logs, as they warded off their advance It might sound like science fiction, but the cure seemed to be dance! So needlessly making it harder I did the Big Apple routine And their version of it was the best one I've ever seen They knew every single move, and every break was hit And they made Michael Jackson's "Thriller" zombies look like sh- (Nah, they're actually pretty good in that video actually) So I led them into a Shim Sham, and they were shimmying like pros Where they got those variations from, well, God only knows And the virus that inflicted them, it seemed to disappear But I didn't try to understand it because, well, i'm not a biological engineer So here we are with life again where dancing is the solution But this is a zombie apocalypse, it's not Swing Revolution! And amidst all the horror, and everything that was gong wrong I realised most heinously I forgot to write a chorus to this song (hmmm) So here it is, and here we are at the zombie apocalypse And if you want to survive, then here are some tips Learn yourself some jazz steps, or start moving you hips Cause it's the only way to survive at the zombie apocalypse
11.
Viking Swing 03:56
Clear the path, make some space Don't try and run, cause we will chase you Through the streets and into caves All of you are now all our slaves Lay down your weapons you cannot win Didn't anyone warn you about Viking Swing But before you're led on with misdirection Let me clear up a few misconceptions None of us are barbaric folk Most of us don't even smoke We're not here to raid your land But we'll take your dancers by the hand So we can dance along to some Viking Swing Viking Swing Much like you've read in the ancient lore We're the mythic warriors of the dance floor Viking Swing Don't think for a second that we're uncivil If you don't believe us just watch us swivel At Viking Swing Now let me make a few things clear We don't use axes, we don't use spears Jazz steps are the weapons we choose Winning all our battles in our dancing shoes There is no point in resisting Hit the floor, get your hips a'twistin' Everyone will be enlisting to Viking Swing Viking Swing A revolution will come about With Suzie Qs and swing outs Viking Swing With Ragnor Lodbrock on our side We'll hit you back with our eagle slides At Viking Swing Viking Swing As soon as out longships hit the shore We're headed towards your dance floor Viking Swing It is decreed, don't try impede us We'll take your followers and your leaders Cause everyday we're pillaging We dance all night to the sun We dance all night to get some We dance all night for good fun We dance all night just like Loki We dance all night just like Loki... (At) Viking Swing It's a state of being, a way of life From deepest Norway to nearest Fife Viking Swing Strike a pose, get yourself spun Get into a tandem Charleston Viking Swing Huzzah to Auden and Charlotte If you haven't danced with them yet, then you really gotta Viking Swing The most fun that you'll have ever seen Everyone will be jealous that you have been to Viking Swing
12.
If you listen carefully then you might just hear The sound of those who've departed, or those who've disappeared Cause once you finally shuffled off this mortal coil It's not a case you simply lie about surrounded by a coffin and some soil Because the afterlife may seem treacherous, but by God it's rarely dull Cause actors playing Hamlet keep on digging up your skull [Recite Shakespeare so eloquently that Sir Ian McKellen would be jealous of your mad skills.] But try talking to the spirits and they might well just comply And if you ask them about the afterlife then here's how they might reply It's really not so bad here, in fact I'd say it's great And if I'm being honest, mate, well I'll tell you this up straight: That even if on earth you might be late or desecrated The update into the afterlife is immensely underrated! Oh, the afterlife is swell, you'll be glad you said farewell Cause once you have befell its spell there's nowhere else you'll want to dwell Cause as far as the eye can see, and as far as you think that things can be All members of society have assembled at this assembly It's a soiree; it's a gala; it's shindig; it's a prom It's a banquet; it's a feast - oh, this party is the bomb! There's drinking it is endless and the mood's always enhancing And, oh yes, how could I forget? There's fuckloads of dancing! But no need for an early death or decapitation Just grab yourself a Ouija board and tune into our station Fill your glass to brimming and you'll hear the band a'singing And everyone at the seance will surely be swinging Because you're dressed so finely when you're put to rest You'll arrive at the party wearing your Sunday best Yes, all the greats are here: Count Basie, Fats, and Ella And if I had to describe this place, I could say, "Bella! Bella!" You can swing out to your heart's content, cause you're heart's no longer there As a spirit in the afterlife there's no need for medical care Say goodbye to all that breathlessness; au revoir to your sore back Auf wiedersehen to blistered feet and asthma attacks No more waking up with sore limbs that feel like spaghetti No more aches and pains, but you somehow still get sweaty But no need for an early death or decapitation Just grab yourself a Ouija board and tune into our station Fill your glass to brimming and you'll hear the band a'singing And everyone at the seance will surely be swinging But to get into the party there only is one rule You've got to be a spirit, a spectre, a ghost, or a ghoul And by spectre I don't means James Bond, and by spirit I don't mean gin But if you bring enough gin for everyone then we might just let you in So get yourself practising, get ready in advance Cause cats and dogs and other animals are joining in the dance Yes, all the birds and bees are triple stepping in their stride And we now know why the chicken crossed the road - to get to other side! We'll be swinging, we'll be swinging We'll be swinging at the seance We'll be swinging, we'll be swinging We'll be swinging at the seance [repeat until necessary] But no need for an early death or decapitation Just grab yourself a Ouija board and tune into our station Fill your glass to brimming and you'll hear the band a'singing And everyone at the seance will definitely be swinging
13.
Herräng 06:16
I've just touched down in Sweden And adventure, it beckons! A couple of weeks of lindy hop sounds good Don't you reckon? I'm waiting for the bus So the fun can begin With my suitcase full of shirts and shoes And underpants and gin (Ahem, I mean water. Fresh Hendricks water...) Driving through the greenery My heart starts to quicken The reality of where I am It soon starts to kick in I'm at Herräng! Where the fun never stops! I'm at Herräng! It's like every single workshop! I'm at Herräng! Where everybody's your friend! And cause it's longer than a weekend you'll definitely overspend! At Herräng! You can learn from the best! At Herräng! You can put your dancing to the test! At Herräng! You can meet all the finely dressed folk! With their beautiful dressed and their three piece suits But we should judge each other on material attributes At Herräng! Where even if you wear all of your clothes At Herräng! You'll still get bitten by mosquitoes At Herräng! Where-they-just-won't-GO-AWAY! And to think I paid 200 krone for a useless insect spray I'm at Herräng Where I haven't had that much sleep At Herräng There's a reason general accommodation's so very cheap At Herräng Get an eye mask and earplugs And if you're feeling adventurous then some sleep-inducing drugs But even in a village full of people I still find myself feeling lonely I guess there's something about sleeping in a musky, darkened gym hall with a hundred other people That doesn't quite feel homely Sometimes the feeling lingers But mostly it goes Cause there's always a smiling face here To take you out of the shadows When you're at Herräng Why not try something new? When you're at Herräng Like dancing Be-bop or Blues When you're at Herräng Dance 'til you gotta drag yourself to bed Or go to the ice cream parlour and re-energise on banana bread When you're at Herräng The daily meetings are a must When you're at Herräng Cause who knows what Lennart will discuss When you're at Herräng He'll tell you tales of lindy joy That'll make you feel like you're dancing back at the Savoy When you're at Herräng Try a cultural activity When you're at Herräng Like mask making, or cow safari(?) When you're at Herräng Your imagination is your limit And like the water at the beach you gotta throw yourself into it When you're at Herräng It's not about what you do with your feet When you're at Herräng It's about the people you meet When you're at Herräng It's not unusual to cry When you realise the hardest thing you have to do is say goodbye
14.
Do you remember when your evenings were ordinary? Where sitting in front of the TV had become customary Programme after programme 'til you went off to bed Repeating ad infinitum until you are dead But then one night you did something different Because, you know, well, why not? You went to a swing dance lesson And you gave it everything you've got And you thought, "That was kind of fun, I guess" But to it's charm and effect you had been exposed Fast forward a few days later And you're out shopping for clothes (And you think to yourself) Can I dance in these pants? Will they ride up my crotch? Will they strangle my snake like a tightly fastened watch? Will they - God forbid - split, when I spread my legs? Turns out, yes they will - but who cares, they match my Keds! Cause when you start dancing things are gonna change You'll notice that your life is suddenly getting very strange You find yourself owning over fifty bow ties And you realise very quickly dancing in braces isn't wise Cause when you start dancing things are gonna change You've signed up to every single, bloody lindy exchange You don't question why you're dancing, you question why you're not And everything in your wardrobe is covered in polka dots So you've tried swing dancing once, you want to try it again You're looking for the nearest social dance you can attend Before you know it you're flying off to far off distant places Meeting all these wonderful, new, and friendly faces Cause when you start dancing life will start improving Cause everything is better when you get your body moving You find yourself sweating more than you've ever done before So much so you've started leaving some puddles on the floor Cause when you start dancing life will start improving Though your family will look at you with a smile of confusion As you rave about events and dancers that you've seen With the energy of someone whose been injected with caffeine But it's strange to think that life can change after one old, little lesson From something you do once a week, to a flourishing obsession But if swinging out brings you joy, then please do keep on dancing And you'll find the joy you get from it will only keep enhancing Cause when you start dancing life starts getting better So much so you feel inclined to write your parents a letter Saying: "Dear Mum and Dad, I've made some brand new friends They might be weird and kind of strange but I love them to the end" Cause when you start dancing life starts getting better People will look up to you, you can become a new trendsetter Cause every dance is different, indeed no two are the same And don't feel bad for not remembering everybody's name And though dancing may seem hard at first, just remember to have fun If you and your partner are smiling, then you're getting the job done And when the end does come, though it may be unbearably sad No one can take away from you the dances that you've had

about

Johnny Setlist's new album, "Silly Songs About Swing Dancing", is fairly self-explanatory. But just in case it's not entirely obvious to everyone, or because one person wants a brief history of it's creation, here's what happened: A few years back Johnny Setlist stumbled upon a crowd of people swing dancing. He was fascinated, and at one point even got asked if he wanted to dance with someone. Rest assured, it was a woeful experience for all those involved (including those watching), but from that moment, Johnny Setlist decided he shall learn this dance and see what this "fun" thing that so many people seemed to be having was.

That experience is detailed to some extent on the opening track "I Wanna Learn To Dance," which Johnny Setlist wrote a few months after he began his dancing journey, so as to provide some entertainment to a crowd of dancers at an annual cabaret. It began an unfortunate trend where Johnny Setlist would go to events with magical names like "Viking Swing", "Swing Revolution," or "Swinging at the Seance" and, with no coaxing or request to do so, write a song based around the titular event. He would then perform it to an unsuspecting crowd (with plenty of mistakes and ad-libbed "jokes" to cover those mistakes), and chances are the song would be then gone forever; a few minutes of "music" that tickled a couple of sympathetic souls, then lost to the world as a moment of insignificant history.

Some songs did find their way into the digital world though, as you may have been unfortunate enough to hear over the past few years. This was either because some friendly soul asked for a recorded version, or because Johnny Setlist sought to redeem a song's poor live performance with a take of what was meant to be performed. Sometimes up to twelve people listened to these tracks on the internet world, a factoid which Johnny Setlist has fervently shared with his now ever-so-proud parents and all his close friend multiple times so as to feel a smidgen of self-importance and pride in this large, and largely unforgiving universe.

All that changes now, in the most logical and uneventful way possible: "Silly Songs About Swing Dancing" collects tracks from the past years onto one digestible album. Nearly all of them are freshly recorded versions (if not freshly "remastered" in one or two instances), so be dazzled at the new details and instrumentation! Some songs never got recorded after being performed, so they will be heard by some for the first time ever! How tremendously exciting! And there's even something completely new there for you, which, unless you have bugged Johnny Setlist's tiny, creaky, and poorly insulated recording room, you will have not heard before.

So enjoy this music, if you can. It's not always easy, which Johnny Setlist knows for sure; some of these songs are a few years old, so their references arrive here a little dated (Carly Rae Jepsen 4ever!), but they come with a spirited intention of bringing a smile to your face, even if it is a pitying one. And if you're not tuned up on all the swing dancing lingo, then what Johnny Setlist is singing about may go over your head. To that, Johnny Setlist implores you to either stop listening to this album altogether and partake in one of his more relatable (but much more dour) LPs, or start dancing. Both avenues produce great outcomes.

Finally, to conclude this much too long album description, Johnny Setlist asks one thing: If you, for whatever mad reason, have enjoyed listening to one, some, or all of these songs, or know of someone who would enjoy it, then do consider sharing it. Or just share it at large with all your friends on all the social media outlets. Again, both avenues produce great results. Thank you for taking the time to listen and taking an interest in these words. Your support, help, and whoops of encouragement keep Johnny Setlist making music like this, so please stop it at your earliest convenience.

credits

released March 13, 2017

All the noise made across this album, either intentional or not, was done so by Johnny Setlist. He also did all the artwork and everything else because he's just so impossible to work with.

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about

Johnny Setlist Edinburgh, UK

Johnny Setlist is musician of sorts. Sometimes he talks in the third person.

Available for weddings/funerals.

johnnysetlist [at] gmail.com

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